Becoming Selene: A Hypothesis On Dating

I have a hypothesis.

Before I had high schoolers, I heard a lot of parents say, “Kids these days don’t date. They just go out in groups.” Mind you, a lot of these parents had high schoolers during COVID, so it’s difficult to make generalizations about that period of time.

That being said, because my expectations were set by this generation of high school parents ahead of me, I have been surprised (shocked?) by the number of committed, long term relationships I’ve seen my kids’ friends engage in. A lot of kids in my orbit are not only dating, they are sticking with one person for nine months or more. Many for multiple years.

This isn’t what I expected, nor what I experienced myself in high school. In my era, there were a lot more short term couples. Dating someone for three or four months before calling it quits was not unusual.

After watching and observing, I’ve developed something of a hypothesis. I think a lot of the early, short term dating actually is happening — it’s just happening on the phone. “Talking to” someone, whether it’s text, Snap or some other app I don’t even know exists, has taken the place of those early dates. By the time a couple starts going places together and, ultimately, declaring themselves committed, they are already a few months into an emotional relationship, if not a physical one. (And by physical I mean going on dates. Not intimate. I’m not going there!) The couples who would, back in my day, only last for three or four months tend to peter out on the phone before they get to the actual dating part of dating.

What do you think? Does this square with what you’re witnessing? Share your thoughts here. I’ll write a follow up with comments from readers.